breathe.

Yoga has taught me to my breathe.  Sometimes I forget to breathe.  I get tense and my shoulders scrunch up to my ears and my head starts pulsing.  My limbs tense up and I can feel anxiety rushing over me.  And then I breathe.  The slow rhythmic breathing helps to calm my nerves.  I need to focus my energy on each breath allowing my anxiety to float away.  Focus on prayers and healing.  

This week should have been a yoga week.  A week devoted to breathing.  Slowing down.  I'm tired.  

How do people get the strength to cope through immense pain?  Where do they get their hope? 

My best friend's divorce was finalized this past summer... and her new engagement announced on facebook just two days ago.  I should congratulate her and be happy for her, right?? She became my best friend 8 years ago when we met and embraced... calling each other sisters for life... but how do I congratulate my best friend when her ex-husband is my brother?  My brother who is struggling to remind himself moment by moment of Jesus' love and beg, again, for love?  

How do I console my grade 9 student who just found out that her dad suffered a fatal heart attack in his sleep last night?   As I watched Miriam in fourth period, my heart broke.  She laughed, tucked her hair under her shayla, and joked with her friends.  Innocent.  I knew her father was dead but was waiting for her family to come collect her and her three siblings from school and tell her the news... and then as tears threatened to spill over, I had to look away - to focus on anything but her smile and carefree spirit.  All I could think was that her world is going to crash to pieces and never be the same.  An hour later she was told that she would never hug her dad again, never hear him yell her name or or hear his laugh....

So I pause. And breathe.  Close my eyes.  Pray.